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Find out why Italian men are so appealing from someone who knows firsthand.
Many people the world over adore Italian men. Although Italian men are known for being handsome and well-dressed, their appeal is more about their attitude. They flirt like it’s part of their DNA, and they have a way of making each person feel special like she is the only one in the room. This sensation is palpable and intoxicating. Most people want to feel like that over and over again.
I have written for Businessweek, Ladies’ Home Journal, iVillage, and About.com, as well as significant and essential publications and websites in their time. By far, however, the most popular article I have ever written was for an Italian American publication, and it was about the allure of Italian men.
People, primarily women from India, Africa, Singapore, and across the United States and Canada, have written to me asking for information and advice about dating or marrying an Italian man. I wrote this article nearly 20 years ago, and I still sometimes hear from people about it.
Honestly, I always need to figure out how to respond. After all, I majored in journalism with a minor in women’s studies. My gut instinct is to tell them to love themselves and recognize the patriarchy that still exists in Italy and the rest of the world. In addition, I grew up around Italian men my entire life, so I know their flaws, too. Hello, mamma’s boys!
But I also have an Italian father, brother, uncles, cousins, husband, and now two sons, so I understand why falling in love with Italian men is easy. Ultimately, I dated and married an Italian man for all the reasons these people who come to me want one of their own.
Italian Men Love Italian Women
Many Italian men are taught from a young age to revere women. It begins with their mammas, who are seen as superwomen with saintly virtues. Most Italian women live up to the hype.
They cook gourmet meals, clean the house like you need to be able to eat off the floor, do laundry and ironing like it’s an Olympic event, cuddle their children until the day they die, and rock it at the workplace, too. They’re disciplinarians, to boot. Don’t get the sideways glance from an Italian mamma because you may drop dead on the spot.
When you love mamma this much, you recognize the strength and power of being a woman, carrying the babies, shouldering the most significant burdens, and bringing the family together. This gratitude that you have often translates to reverence for women in general. It shines through as Italian men talk to you.
Gay or bisexual men reading this might be thinking, “How’s this good for me?” Well, this sense of respect for women translates to respect for people. It’s a devotion to humanity. Remember, a wise woman once said, “Women’s rights are human rights.” If you’re good to mom, you’re probably of good character.
They Listen to Women
There are exceptions to everything. But back when I was a twentysomething visiting clubs and bars in Italy, I heard generic pick-up lines one to two times tops. Instead, men would start a conversation with you. It was mostly about being American and living in the United States. How did I learn Italian? What do I think of Italy? Where am I going in life?
Italian men keep their eyes and attention trained on you during a conversation. They listen to what you are saying. Even if they gave you the once over, their eyes don’t linger inappropriately. It makes you feel important and sometimes even beloved.
From the first time we met, my husband was excellent at conversation. As I told him about my job as a journalist and life in America, he asked, “So, when shall we get engaged?” It was forward and charming, yet not at all icky or inappropriate. Granted, he is tall, dark, and handsome, and he was feeding me baba with strawberries and cream at the time. So, I was pleased to have the attention.
Italian Men Feed You
Food is of the utmost importance to Italian culture and life. The day revolves around what you are going to eat. Although more and more Italians are influenced by American beauty standards and diet (ugh!), most people still have a healthy relationship with eating.
Italians believe that food is love and that breaking bread together is the ultimate unifier. An Italian man trying to court someone will feed them all the beautiful things his home base offers. My husband famously began with the baba. But he quickly discovered my affinity for shellfish and indulged me with sauteed clams and mussels, linguine con vongole (clams), and other seafood like octopus. He fed me pizza because we are from the island of Naples, the birthplace of pizza. And the menu went on and on from there.
He says my joy of eating with him was a big part of his attraction. Indeed, it was mutual. I appreciated his joy in feeding me. We still come together over food. We have a ritual of sharing crusty Italian bread and fresh Italian-made mortadella whenever we return from grocery shopping. We always try new recipes, and our vacations have always revolved around eating.
The Italian Language Is a Big Draw
Italian is one of the romance languages. Even if you don’t understand it, the language sounds like poetry. It is almost musical with those rolling Rs and words ending in vowels. Then, there’s the accent when they try to speak your language. It’s so damn sexy. This is true of many foreign speakers, but the softness of Italian, even if spoken loudly, is like a siren calling to you. It’s mythological and inexplicable, but you’ll surrender to it.
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The Italian language includes dialects for every region (like every town). Those nuances and changes in words, accent, and cadence speak to the incredible diversity of Italy’s regions. It gives character to those saying it and can be even more attractive. For those of us who grew up with Italian accents all around and relatives speaking the language, hearing someone else say it is comforting and melodic.
Italian Men Ooze Sexiness
Some of the appeal of Italian men is due to generations of sexy ones representing the larger group. There was Marcello Mastroianni, the film actor who gained global acclaim. Andrea Bocelli won worldwide with his song “Con Te Partiro.” For goodness sake, who can forget all the handsome soccer players whose bodies look like Michelangelo himself chiseled them? Take former Italian defender Paolo Maldini, who was also an Armani model.
Unfortunately, not every Italian man can be a Paolo Maldini. But most Italian men carry themselves in a way that exudes confidence. Many people are drawn to those who believe in themselves.
In addition, Italians take their care seriously. People credit British soccer star David Beckham for the term metrosexual, but I think Italian men had that going on years earlier.
Real men in Italy are unafraid to indulge in spa days, get manicures, and stay fit. Italian men I know take pride in their wardrobe, have more product in the bathroom than I do, and want to display the bella figura, which refers to the Italian belief that you should always make a good impression based on how you look and how you behave.
This attitude makes most Italian men sexy as hell. They work at it, and everyone notices and appreciates it. In addition, it makes them more willing to take initiative and ask you out. If you say no, they think you’re missing out, and they move on. It makes them more willing to take risks in love, risks like dating an American woman when you are living and working in Italy. (Shout out to my hubby, who I thought was crazy when he first started pursuing me and pitching this long-distance relationship.)
Italian Men Believe in Old-School Manners
There’s no going Dutch in Italy. Men pay for women’s meals, espresso, or gelato, even if the woman earns more money, even if she’s not their girlfriend or wife. It’s that simple. They also hold the door and serve women at the table first. They give them their jackets if it’s chilly outside. Italian men help women carry groceries and unload the car. They learn old-fashioned etiquette from a young age.
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There’s something refreshing and delightful about receiving that kind of treatment. It’s not about thinking women are weaker. On the contrary, they do these things because they know women are more muscular and deserve respect. It took me a while to figure that out, but I firmly believe it represents their love of women.
Of course, there are bad apples in every group. Some Italian men cheat and steal. There’s a reason we call men who womanize Casanovas: some abuse, verbally or physically, the women in their lives. You can be sure that there are narcissists and fools among them. I’m not arguing that every Italian man is a gem or that they are better than other men out there.
Overall, however, the culture supports the idea of the Italian man as a cavalier or knight. In Italy, people talk about finding your “principe azzurro” or “blue prince,” which, translated to English, refers to your charming Mr. Right. With all this hype, Italian men feel pressure to live up to the ideas many hold of them. Many Italian men strive to fulfill the promise; we are grateful for this.
